Passive-Agressive
The story is always the same. One person finally decides that they just can't play tennis with another because of their attitude. But, what is the root of bad attitude on the tennis court? One of the culprits is when one allows competitiveness to seep into personality to where one becomes what is called "passive-agressive". What in the world is passive-agressive? Although the name would seem like a contradiction of terms ("Oxymorons! Get your ice cold oxymorons here!), it's actually one of psychologist's easiest to recognize.
Passive-agressive is when one performs an action or statement to better themselves while belittling another. Not very professional-sounding, hugh? You wouldn't think there would be much of that in a sport that was once proclaimed as "the gentleman's sport", but we all know the sport has changed from the days of black and white film. Here are some examples we have seen throughout the years on the courts.
1. Calling out the score...but only when you are ahead.
2. Derragatory comments. For example: You call a ball out and the oposing player says, "You weren't even looking at the ball!", or "You need to get glasses on your glasses". (Hey, we didn't say some of these weren't funny)
3. "Hooking" in order to illicit a reaction. "Hooking" is when you call a ball that is in as "out". Doing it to where you know your opponent will know you are doing it in order to anger them is a form of passive-agressive.
4. Reverse Hooking. That's when you hit a close ball that you know is out and you accuse the opponent of hooking, once again, in order to get a reaction.
5.Saying your opponent hit a "lucky shot" or "a mishit" instead of giving them credit for a good shot.
6. They aim their overhead smashes directly at their opponents...when they don't have to.
7. Comments like: "Get on your horse", "Payback time!", "You gotta unhitch the trailer" (after making them run or hitting a lob), "That's what you get for going up to the net", etc., etc., etc.
One culprit of the "win at any cost"/ passive-agressive state of mind is probably the professional tennis tour. After all, we tend to "become what we behold"; and we certainly desire to be just like the heroes we see on television. Recently Serena Williams has made some passive-agressive comments when Anna Ivonovic became the world's number one ranked player (according to the WTA). She said, "Everyone knows that I am really the best player in the world. I'm the one who wins the grand slams". Even more recently, she made such comments directed towards Dinara Safina (now that she is the new #1 player). "Yeah, she is #1", Williams said with a smirkish / sarcastic smile and tone. "She's won a whole four tournaments". Definitely passive-agressive, and a huge embarassment to the sport. Sure, she wins grand slams; however, she is only comitted to playing six weeks out of the year, by her own admition. Well, to be #1, you need to be able to beat the best....consistently. Waiting for the rest of the field to be tired is...well...you can just guess how we feel about that. Winning two out of six times just doesn't cut it anymore. It's no wonder that she has such few friends and is disliked by most in the locker room.
Back at the local tennis court. We've seen it go to extremes from assault with a deadly weapon (we are all carrying titanium hammers!), to the end of long friendships or worse, people stop playing tennis altogether. Recently, we were having a conversation about certain "problem" individuals and were amazed at the number of people that have quit playing at the tennis center because of them. In order to alleviate some of the problem, and we know this will never end, we came up with the following guidelines to deal with the passive-agressor (cheater).
Confront! Confront!! Confront!!! First of all, they may be the product of bad parenting or bad church examples that have led the individual to act out in such an unacceptable manner. They may not realize they are doing it. One method is to say their comments or behavior is unecessary and refuse to make your own passive-agressive comments. Instead, take the high road and say, "Good shot" instead of stooping to their level. Of course, you run the risk of the small-minded that will see this as weakness. Remind them they are not playing at Wimbledon or the US Open.
Decide! Decide!! Decide!!! Is this player worth your time and effort? People either spend your time or they waste it. Read that last statement again. Go ahead. I'll wait. Now, decide. I personally have had to cut a player off for being passive-agressive to the point of being disrespectful. Think about it. Would you put up with this kind of behavior in the workplace? I've fired people for less than that! Why keep someone like that in your tennis life? Your blood pressure, which is what you are supposed to be taking care of on the tennis court, should not be going up when you play tennis. Tennis for the health of it! The passive-agressor causes your blood pressure to go up not down.
Sometimes, you just can't teach the other person. No matter how many times we tell the kids not to throw their rackets or be guilty of ball abuse (in other words - self control), their are always going to be those that do not take to instruction. At the club level, some are set in their ways and just will not change. Since you can choose your friends, also choose your tennis mates wisely.
Contact Information:
Harlingen Tennis Center: (956) 428 - 2092
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